Lately I've had the hardest time coming to grips with the murder of my dearest friend. It isn't a quick death. It's been slow and torturous. My dear friend is fighitng the good fight but is finally slipping away. I see him growing weaker and weaker as the days pass and it rips me to my very core.
See I have been watching Kindness die since I was about seven years old. I've seen the slow progrsssion from people speaking and being cordial, to not even acknowledging each other. People then they became apethetic and could care less about another's suffering. Now finally, going out of their way to be rude or nasty. It's been a terrible thing to watch and it is contagious. Meanness has become an acceptable way of life.
There was a time I knew all my neighbors... now I only know the family next door. There was a time when I could at least strike up a decent conversation with strangers... now they either look at you like you're crazy or immediately try to get the panties. There ahve been so much progress in other areas but somewhere along the line the concept of being kind was killed. We see it at work, school, even church. People just don't feel the need to be nice any more.
So what are we supposed to do about it? Do we just shake our heads and hope for the best? Do we browbeat mean people into submission? Do we stop being kind so that we can get in with the "in crowd"? What exactly should we do to curb this terrible spirit of mean ness that ahs taken over so much of our world?
The answer is simple...... be kind.
We need to pay forward random acts of kindness. Find ways to use love and good humor to brighten someone else's day. Not just paying for an expired parking meter, but speaking to the meter reader as you walk past them. Try smiling at a child in the grocery store even if it'sd parent looks at you like a predator. Don't invade anyone's space, just smile and say hello to the parent as well. Take your friends to lunch and tell them what they mean to you. Pay for a stranger's coffee. Just strike up a benign conversation and let the beauty of who you are shine through. These aren't huge things but they can change the world.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
The Bigger Picture.
I had a very interesting debate yesterday with a young man that kind of left me wondering if this is why I'm not meeting the men I want to meet.
I have been meeting plenty of ewanna be players, a lot of pseudo pimps and a great number of men that I think may need to seek the assistance of a mental health professional. I meet brothers that don't like to read, don't like to think, and aren't interested in much besides my bra size and how soon they can come and spend the night. I was starting to get a lil discouraged when I saw a reply by a young man to post about how a woman should be treated. It was very eye opening and it seems to be way too common.
This young man made the comment that he doesn't treat any woman "special" til she proves herself worth his time. He's not about to bother treating just any woman well. He saves that for the woman he loves. No man should treat a woman with respect and kindness just because... only if she proves she deserves to be treated well.
He is not alone. From the clowns I meet online and off, I would say he's one of quite a few seemingly grown folks that shouldn't be allowed out without a handler. Even women ahve bought into this by either accepting this behavior from men in order to "earn their love and respect". Or they fall into the category of angry women that treat all men like dogs and have no inkling of how to treat a man, good or otherwise. This is an epidemic and it pretty much is the reason these fools are always complaining that they can't find a good man/woman.
If this is how you think then you are thinking backwards. Love develops because of trust, kindness and respect. If you don't show any of these things, by the time you decide she's worthy, she'll know that you're not. Some men have a truly messed up mental of treating all women the same old crappy way. When they realize that a woman they are treating "like a prostitute" is actually a princess, she already knows he's a just frog and wants no parts. You should treat people well until they prove themselves unworthy, not the other way around. You haven't lost anything by being kind. You lose the opportunity for everything when you act an %#&@$!.You can't take back a bad impression you've left on someone. Even if you think you can, it still takes a lot more time than a person is willing to give if they don't have to.
A lot of people make the ultimate mistake of treating people like they should be grateful that they deigned to show some interest. Not only is that an insult to a person's intelligence and character, it lets you know that, in their opinion, women are merely a piece of tail that you use until you meet the one. The sad thing about that is that you don't always know that a person is the one at first meeting. That is a realization that often comes from time spent. Not something you know soon as you see my butt or breasts. Not something you can see because I'm pretty, either. The fact that he didn't know that proves he is subpar. No man worth his testicles would ever treat a woman like that unless he knows deep down that he isna't about much. He complains about gold diggers and the like but he also knows he has to lead with his wallet, and his attitude, so that he could pull some weak minded woman that's easily impressed. Otherwise he'd get nan female to even speak to him past the first convo....... if he even gets that far.
If you really feel that you have to be in love with a woman BEFORE you treat her correctly,it's no wonder that the women you're interested in don't give you the time of day. It's not about your your lack of money, your physical attributes, looks, job, what have you... it's your arrogance and negative attitude that shines through and turns people off. Whether you know it or not, a woman of any kind of substance can smell that kinna triflin. Your cologne can't cover it up and the mix of scents will make her nauseous.
Don't think I'm on a man bashing kick.... I am not. I just think it's time someone made men understand that "treating em like a prostitute" is the reason they can't find what they are looking for in a woman. No woman worth a grain of salt is gonna stick around while you treat her any old way. By the time you realize who she is you've already lost her. The same can be said about women that pass by good men. The reason I didn't go in depth there is that someone is always telling us how we need to step up our game. I just thought it was time to let you know yours needs a little work as well.
I have been meeting plenty of ewanna be players, a lot of pseudo pimps and a great number of men that I think may need to seek the assistance of a mental health professional. I meet brothers that don't like to read, don't like to think, and aren't interested in much besides my bra size and how soon they can come and spend the night. I was starting to get a lil discouraged when I saw a reply by a young man to post about how a woman should be treated. It was very eye opening and it seems to be way too common.
This young man made the comment that he doesn't treat any woman "special" til she proves herself worth his time. He's not about to bother treating just any woman well. He saves that for the woman he loves. No man should treat a woman with respect and kindness just because... only if she proves she deserves to be treated well.
He is not alone. From the clowns I meet online and off, I would say he's one of quite a few seemingly grown folks that shouldn't be allowed out without a handler. Even women ahve bought into this by either accepting this behavior from men in order to "earn their love and respect". Or they fall into the category of angry women that treat all men like dogs and have no inkling of how to treat a man, good or otherwise. This is an epidemic and it pretty much is the reason these fools are always complaining that they can't find a good man/woman.
If this is how you think then you are thinking backwards. Love develops because of trust, kindness and respect. If you don't show any of these things, by the time you decide she's worthy, she'll know that you're not. Some men have a truly messed up mental of treating all women the same old crappy way. When they realize that a woman they are treating "like a prostitute" is actually a princess, she already knows he's a just frog and wants no parts. You should treat people well until they prove themselves unworthy, not the other way around. You haven't lost anything by being kind. You lose the opportunity for everything when you act an %#&@$!.You can't take back a bad impression you've left on someone. Even if you think you can, it still takes a lot more time than a person is willing to give if they don't have to.
A lot of people make the ultimate mistake of treating people like they should be grateful that they deigned to show some interest. Not only is that an insult to a person's intelligence and character, it lets you know that, in their opinion, women are merely a piece of tail that you use until you meet the one. The sad thing about that is that you don't always know that a person is the one at first meeting. That is a realization that often comes from time spent. Not something you know soon as you see my butt or breasts. Not something you can see because I'm pretty, either. The fact that he didn't know that proves he is subpar. No man worth his testicles would ever treat a woman like that unless he knows deep down that he isna't about much. He complains about gold diggers and the like but he also knows he has to lead with his wallet, and his attitude, so that he could pull some weak minded woman that's easily impressed. Otherwise he'd get nan female to even speak to him past the first convo....... if he even gets that far.
If you really feel that you have to be in love with a woman BEFORE you treat her correctly,it's no wonder that the women you're interested in don't give you the time of day. It's not about your your lack of money, your physical attributes, looks, job, what have you... it's your arrogance and negative attitude that shines through and turns people off. Whether you know it or not, a woman of any kind of substance can smell that kinna triflin. Your cologne can't cover it up and the mix of scents will make her nauseous.
Don't think I'm on a man bashing kick.... I am not. I just think it's time someone made men understand that "treating em like a prostitute" is the reason they can't find what they are looking for in a woman. No woman worth a grain of salt is gonna stick around while you treat her any old way. By the time you realize who she is you've already lost her. The same can be said about women that pass by good men. The reason I didn't go in depth there is that someone is always telling us how we need to step up our game. I just thought it was time to let you know yours needs a little work as well.
Measure Of A Man
I am going to speak plainly for those of you that can't seem to get it into your heads that every black woman you meet online is not the same.
We are not all whores, we don't all have 9 kids by 12 daddies, we aren't all just baby mommas, we don't all get off by showing our naked bodies to strange men. Some of us know our father and not only love him but respect him. We weren't all raised in the projects and some of us have actually done big things. I get so tired of men thinking they can show me the world or teach me to be a lady. If you want Eliza Doolittle, go find her. I don't need remedial classes.
My daddy was one hell of a man, not much you can show me that he already hasn't. Let me tell you who my father is, because death doesn't defeat a man like that. My father was the smallest kid on the block but had great respect from even bigger kids because of how he carried himself. My father was in the military, served two tours in Korea. He had medals he refused to claim while he was alive and wouldn't allow us to claim when he died. He accepted the flag but always told us "let them keep their lil trinkets, that don't make me a man." He was in the process of retiring from GSA when he passed. How gangsta is that? My dad had seen it all, done it all, and taught us all he could.
My father could build anything, string wire like it was no joke, make a weapon out of a blade of grass. He could cook, clean, sew, and press and curl hair. He preferred to do most things because it was hard for other folks to live up to his standards. My father taught his daughters as well as his sons. Never spoke down to us. Always treated his children with respect, even when he got in our butts. We were given things other kids dream about but the material things are of no consequence. The measure of a man isn't in what he buys me, it's in the man he proves himself to be. My father was a remarkable man. He could have taught a class.
So when a man deigns to think he can approach me like just another net chick. That his turn of phrase and slick way of saying things makes him in some way some great catch. That he can impress me with " I've done this and I am that and I can do this for you". He is truly spinning his wheels. My daddy taught me very well. Well enough to know a bs artist when I see one. The only times I ahve gone wrong in my life is when I didn't take heed to the lessons he taught me growing up. See my father taught me how to be a woman. And he taught me that men as slick as you think you are come thirteen to a dozen.
To all the real men out there that get a bad rap because some wanna be hustler got to a woman first and she thinks that's all there is online. Don't sweat it. Some of us know a real man when we see him. He reminds us of our brothers, uncles and cousins. He gives us hope by reminding us of our father. He makes us so thankful that we waded through the mess that is called dating to find the treasure that is a real man.
We are not all whores, we don't all have 9 kids by 12 daddies, we aren't all just baby mommas, we don't all get off by showing our naked bodies to strange men. Some of us know our father and not only love him but respect him. We weren't all raised in the projects and some of us have actually done big things. I get so tired of men thinking they can show me the world or teach me to be a lady. If you want Eliza Doolittle, go find her. I don't need remedial classes.
My daddy was one hell of a man, not much you can show me that he already hasn't. Let me tell you who my father is, because death doesn't defeat a man like that. My father was the smallest kid on the block but had great respect from even bigger kids because of how he carried himself. My father was in the military, served two tours in Korea. He had medals he refused to claim while he was alive and wouldn't allow us to claim when he died. He accepted the flag but always told us "let them keep their lil trinkets, that don't make me a man." He was in the process of retiring from GSA when he passed. How gangsta is that? My dad had seen it all, done it all, and taught us all he could.
My father could build anything, string wire like it was no joke, make a weapon out of a blade of grass. He could cook, clean, sew, and press and curl hair. He preferred to do most things because it was hard for other folks to live up to his standards. My father taught his daughters as well as his sons. Never spoke down to us. Always treated his children with respect, even when he got in our butts. We were given things other kids dream about but the material things are of no consequence. The measure of a man isn't in what he buys me, it's in the man he proves himself to be. My father was a remarkable man. He could have taught a class.
So when a man deigns to think he can approach me like just another net chick. That his turn of phrase and slick way of saying things makes him in some way some great catch. That he can impress me with " I've done this and I am that and I can do this for you". He is truly spinning his wheels. My daddy taught me very well. Well enough to know a bs artist when I see one. The only times I ahve gone wrong in my life is when I didn't take heed to the lessons he taught me growing up. See my father taught me how to be a woman. And he taught me that men as slick as you think you are come thirteen to a dozen.
To all the real men out there that get a bad rap because some wanna be hustler got to a woman first and she thinks that's all there is online. Don't sweat it. Some of us know a real man when we see him. He reminds us of our brothers, uncles and cousins. He gives us hope by reminding us of our father. He makes us so thankful that we waded through the mess that is called dating to find the treasure that is a real man.
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