What's so hard about being respectful?

I am so annoyed right now. I am sick to death of engaged, married, or otherwise occupied men that think it's ok to say just anything to women other their own. Seeing as some of you have no idea what's ok and what's not ok, I will enlighten you.

It's disrespectful to both myself and your woman for you to refer to me in sexual terms of any kind. It leads a person to believe that you have no couth, no manners, and are definitely beneath both your current or intended mate as well as the person you claim is your "friend". I don't care what your girl allows, I won't tolerate being spoken to like some common net hooker.

Please understand that I have no use for "friends" that don't know how to conduct themselves in mixed company and I truly resent so called "men of GOD" that cruise the net looking for women with a hooker mentality. Especially when those men turn around and want to act ignorant when you ask them nicely to watch how they speak to you.

I hold myself and all I deal with to a higher standard. GOD loves everyone but he doesn't like filth. No matter what you may have thought was gonna happen, I will NOT behave like trash. If that's what you're looking for, please miss me with that mess.



~finis~

It's in HIS ands but my heart needs prayer....

Beloved FATHER,

I know I have been one of your more wilfull children and have not listened to you on more than one occasion. I just have nowhere else to turn and I need you, not just right now but all the time. You made me both practical and fiercely independant but I can't do this without you anymore. I apologize for ever thinking I could handle things on my own in the first place. I know it hurts you when your children suffer because they just won't come to you. I am giving this to you, Father as you have always told us to do.

I have so much that I need to thank you for Father. Though a lot of the time it didn't seem like it but you have blessed me so much! I thank you for all you've already done for us and all the trials we have already made it through. I thank you for healing some of my relationships and for working your hand in others so that they have become stronger.

I am making a request of both you my Father and my lord and savior, JESUS CHRIST, because I need you more than I ever thought possible. I am not praying for a specific miracle, I am asking you to do your will. Please Father, bless me with the grace to accept what you have in store for me. Bless my friends and family with the strength to accept your will, join together, and support each other. I ask for you to touch each and every one of them so that they can come out on the other side better no matter what you have in store for us.

I am so humbled by your love for me, FATHER. By the way you have guided and used me even in my imperfection. I thank you for being who you are and making me who I am. May my image more match yours.


Amen.

I May Be Saved but I Ain't No Saint.

A little over 2 months ago I made the decision to give my life over to GOD. In the process I have learned a lot about myself, my upbringing, and my little corner of the world I live in. I have had a sense of peace and joy that would have been unimaginable for me before I changed. GOD has moved in my life and done so rather quickly. My level of understanding has increased and I am definitley more kind and loving.... but I am not a saint.


Don't get me wrong, I am a true believer.... I know my Savior and I read the word as often as I can. I attend church and bible study. I have purified my mind and body. I have done all I can to aloow GOD to do his will through me. I have been obedient in every area except one. I just haven't made that step into perfection that other saints have made. I haven't learned how to take being disrespected in stride. I don't know how to not let a person know when they have offended me. I am not slow to anger. I am a sinner through and through and my temper is legendary round these parts. I have tried to order my words into soft and gentle redirection but that just never works out for me, my tone always gives me away. Saying something nice while I'm mad enough to chew buildings and spit bricks tends to come across as sarcastic and are very counter productive. Trust me on this.

So rather than be a thorn in all sides, I have started practicing silence. Instead of speaking my mind I have begun to make no reply at all. Of course that usually angers someone that's angling for battle but I can't help that. It have come down to the point of me saying nothing when I can't say anything nice. On quite a few occasions lately I avioded a few minor skirmishes because I just plain didn't take the bait and I felt so much better for it. I wish I could say it was because I took the high road. In actuality the reason I enjoyed that appraoch was because it forced ther other person into submission.... you can't argue by yourself without looking a fool now can you?


*sweet smile*

Now that the Resurrection Sunday is over.....

I have a question for all of you. Now that resurrection Sunday is over what are we gonna do now? Are we gonna go back to living our lives, thankful that CHRIST died but still living for ourselves?


I realized soemthing this morning, not even a whole 24 hours after I came off my fast. I fasted, read, studied, fellowshipped and prayed for two whole weeks and almost immediately went back to cursing once it was over. I was cruising a board that I post to regularly looking for folks that made posts I had been angry with during those two weeks for the sole purpose of cursing them completely out now that I no longer was "required" to watch my language. I planned to put on a serious show and accept a month long ban with a flourish. I was all prepared to act as if that time of meditation and fasting meant nothing to me. I came away with so much joy but I polluted the air with my language and wasn't looking very saved, even to myself. The words that you use matter, I'm a big one for making that statement because it's true. Since I have no problem checking myself so I am doing just that. How can I tell people that GOD has worked his will on me if I allow myself to fall back into old habits so easily?

We all do it. We all ask for deliverance from things and then turn around and embrace the very thing we asked to be delivered from. Don't get me wrong, I have been saved from much worse things than foul language but I also know that I have a long way to go. I enjoy cursing. As wicked as it is I enjoyed most of the awful things I did before I was saved. I always say GOD has to work overtime on me because he has. I always have been one of my FATHER's more difficult to manage children because I had plenty of fun being bad. I know it was wrong but I won't lie and say I was completely miserable being a miserable person. I was happy being a wretch until I realized there was better for me to be

I am ever changing and growing. GOD is moving me in directions that completely boggle my mind as to why he picked me of all people. I am just gonna do what HE says because nothing has a benefit package like HIS.Seeing as I have more work to do, my next request is to ask GOD to help me train myself to use my communication skills in more meaningful and positive ways.

I know HE'll be more than happy to oblige me.

I stand corrected!

People really do read these things. What does that mean to me as a writer to know that someone actually reads and understands my work? That someone actually sees that I have put my heart and soul and spirit in each line? That I am posting snippets of my life in each and every blog entry?


It's the most wonderfully encouraging compliment I have ever received. To know that other people can feel what i am saying and see themselves in my words and experiences humbles me and makes me see how great a gift I have been given. I have been blessed with the ability to write and speak to other people's hearts. I don't take it lightly. I'm on my own journey of self discovery and bringing someone with me would be the ultimate for me.

I thank you for reading adn responding to my blog. It lets me know that I am finally doing something that's well received and appreciated.

No one ever reads these things

I have made another realization, no one ever reads profiles or journals online. Very few, if any, take the time to actually read what people are saying on their blogs, journals, profiles or anything that give you any insight into that person. That's the only way I can explain the amount of notes I get that have the lines "adult fun" or "hookup" in them. Understanding that "hook up" can mean different things I always ask for clarification before I refuse, which pretty much means that I get no other reply from that person. lol


I am a real person and as such I won't lie and say I have never hooked up with a man I met online or in a bar, or at a bike night.... I used to be a bit of a bad girl BUT I realized something very important that has changed my life completely. I am the daughter of TWO kings. Neither my earthly father nor my heavenly Father wants me to demean myself the way I used to. That means I now understand that I wasted a lot of my life searching for something I already had, unconditional love.

When my dad died and as well as other things all happened within the same week left me completely out of my mind. I was lost and confused and bitter and angry and hateful adn just didn't care about anything or anyone other than my kids. I spent 13 years letting my pain lead me into places that I can't even believe I went. I was a perpetual victim listening to every lie, ignoring every warning sign, and facilitated each and every hurt that came into my life.

That was my blindness but just recently I had a serious revelation. I am my problem. Me and my inability to see myself as I truly am. By passively allowing others to demean me I was feeding into all the hurt and pain and anger that I hid behind. Sure I was pretty, dymanic, and never lacked for attention, but I had not honestly felt loved in nearly 14 years.


Now that I've changed, I have run into a few men that are either a part of my past or that want to be a part of my future. I have no problem with either as long as they understand that I am not the Vanessa they may seem to think I am. I won't be doing the things I used to do. I am the daughter of two Kings. They have both picked me up and dusted me off so I can live the rest of my days in abundance and love.


So I say again, if you want to be my friend, get to know me, spend time understanding the woman and wish to see my true beauty..... I am happy to have you as a friend. BUT if all you want is to "hook up" with me, you're just a little late. I wish you no harm but there is just no room in my life for that kind of interaction

What does love and romance mean to you?

This is a vent because now I know why so many are lonely. I think the idea of love has gotten so distorted that people have lost focus on what it really it is.

Romance isn't flowers and candy, it's a thought process that drives you to buy the flowers or candy. It's The caring that makes a woman cook for her man knowing he's hungry. Not because she's his servant but because she's his and he's hers. True romance doesn't change when you have kids because even tho you're tired you can hold each other as you sleep. See people confuse the action with the state of being.

Too many see catering to each other as being weak, whupped, and all things negative. I feel sorry for those people. They are the ones that will never know what real love feels like because they aren't open to it. Love isn't just about what I can get from you, it's also about how I can care for you. How we care for each other. There's no shame in being a kind, loving and considerate partner. People just need to understand that you have to look outside yourself in order to see what's right for the both of you.

When you bathe you don't wash just one hand. Both spend equal time under water. The same thing applies in relationships. If you are going into it thinking about all the things you won't do for love, how can you ever show someone all that they mean to you? If they mean anything at all?

I was blessed enough to witness the last 25 years of a love like that. They had nearly 40 and death is what parted them. They had the bomb love. One that didn't mind when they both gained weight. One that cared for each other when it was needed. One in which my father cried at the thought of losing the one woman that meant everything to him. I want a love filled with joys and pain. Ups and downs. The trials of life. TI was blessed to be nurtured in that environment and that, more than anything else, is why I'm single. I have a certain understanding about life and love because of how I've viewed it. Until I find a man that understands all the things that I do, I'll stay as I am

A Black Woman's Smile..... a must see

To all those that have forgotten that you didn't struggle on your own. Here's a reminder.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPBH57BWhpE





The next time you fix your face to depreciate the struggle of a sister think of this video.

Have a blessed day.