Scream

Sitting in a crowd but I am so alone
I ask myself why GOD chose now to take you home
and then I realize time don't matter much at all
you leaving before me was gonna make me fall
fall to the hurt the rage wtf didn't they do
I know that it was GOD. there was nothing they could do
SO how do I get over this rage this pain
Cuz this is so intense I feel flesh melting away
I am trying to remember in the few days that you've been gone
I am trying to hold my head up trying to hold on
but my world is so off center I reach out for the sides
don't tell me this gets better I just lost half my life
See only you share my childhood memories
Only you knew all my dreams
You knew how to talk me down when I climbed up in a tree
I am angry I am lost I am sore I have hope
I cry looking out windows I cry when I see scope
yeah mouthwash sets me offI can't stop I can't fight
I see you in my sleep so I barely sleep at night
I walk around on edge I just snap at anything
I am sorry but this gets worse every fukkin dayo
h GOD please come get me before I do or say
This is out of order he was the baby of the bunch
LORD why please tell me why Stu had to go from us
I know I have to go on and live without him now
but I need someone to show me cuz I just don't know how

Already

It dared to be a nice day
The sun shone just enough
I had a truly good day
I felt free and loved
How could I have a good day
Can I ever be at peace
knowing I was having the time of my life
When GOD took you from me

Of course it's not about me
You suffered much too long
Your family and friends will miss you
For your children we'll be strong
I never thought you'd leave me
BUt I hold on to my faith
That GOD knows how to comfort me
Now that you've gone away

You know I had to write this
It's the way I handle pain
The way I feel this moment
Is hard to even explain
So I write this poem to you
In the way that you liked best
So that you know I love you
Go on Stu, go take your rest.

I miss you already.





My baby brother, Stuart R Bowers, passed away tonight. He loved it when I wrote and even more so when I rhymed. I thank you all for your support, calls, texts and prayers.
Please continue to pray for my family. We need your prayers more now than ever.

Vanessa

My petition

I know you can hear me
So I talk to you
I read, tell jokes and
hold conversations just like we always have
so damned hardheaded
now we all must watch
as you fight your way back
from where ever your body has hidden you
jusyt to see you like this tears me apart
I hold on to my faith but I still have fear
What if GOD's will doesn't match mine
no one knows me like you do
you've been my rock
since I was two years old
The person I'd turn to is normally you
who will speak my language now


Please LORD please
watch over my brother
heal him and make him strong
Strengthen us all so that we can support him and Karla
Hold his children and grandaughter, LORD
We need you now to comfort us and provide us with peace
that only our faith in you can provide
I ask this in the mighty name of JESUS!
Amen!

Real Stuff

I have been sitting here all day pondering the difference a year has made in my life and truly thanking GOD for his deliverance. This past year has been one of the most challenging years of my life. Tests of faith, strength, mental fortitude have been a way of life for some time now but I have overcome.

At one point I was very ill physically and spiritually but I claimed healing and received it. I still must take my medication but I am healed to the point that no one would ever guess I had ever been ill unless I tell them. I went through a lot but everything that happened in the process has enriched my life.

Even though it didn't seem so at first, the entire experience has been a blessing. Yes, I lost my job but started a business that is now taking off. Yes, I lost friends but GOD replaced them with people that truly care about my well being. Yes, I lost a love interest but gained a sense of self, purpose and power that I would never have found within myself if I hadn't been alone.

A lot of people would be bitter about all that has transpired but I am just thankful. I have been blessed so much that I hate to imagine what would have happened if I had kept on with my life as it was. I thank GOD, for my life and health and for giving me back better than I lost. I thank my friends, my family, my prayer warriors for being a wonderful support system. Lastly, I thank all those that fell by the wayside. I learned powerful lessons from you as well and I am ever thankful for them.

God knows who his children are and who the imposters are that try to come disguised as children of light.

I was speaking to a male associate who made the statement "don't try to act all HOLY" and I was taken back because maybe he missed the meaning of the scripture:

Leviticus 20:7 Sanctify yourselves therefore, and be ye holy: for I am the Lord your God.

So acting holy is not a choice it is being holy because God is HOLY and we are made in his image. For some reason Christian men needed to be reminded that we are made in his image!!

IT IS NOT AN ACT IT IS WHAT IT IS!!

Revolve Tour 2009 - We Need Your Help!

Salutations to my brothers and sisters in Christ,


I am writing to appeal to you concerning a matter that is very dear to my heart.

While attending the local Women of Faith Conference event, I became aware of the Revolve Tour for teen girls. WOmen of Faith, Inc is a fifteen year old organization, founded by Steven Arterburn, that promotes Christian Fellowship through a traveling conference of sound, speech and Christ's love for us all. This was my first year attending and it was spectacular! I had never before experienced such a presence of GOD manifested in and through women like myself and I was greatly blessed by all I witnessed.

The Revolve Tour is very similar to the Women of Faith event except that it is geared towards teen girls. This two day event, taking place in Columbus, Ohio, on September 11 & 12, 2009, will be a great opportunity for fellowship for girls ages 12-18. There will Christian music groups and presenters that will speak right to the hearts of these blossoming young women. If this event is a third as good as Women of Faith, it will be a wonderful, life altering experience for these girls.

The reason I am sharing this with you is that the LORD pressed it upon my heart to take mothers and daughters from a local homeless shelter to this event. Obviously, these girls and their mothers need to hear the message of GOD's wonder, mercy, power, strength, and love more than I can express.

In order to make this trip a success, we need donors and or sponsors to help facilitate this trip. I have volunteered to lead our the group but we need help with ticket, hotel and transportation costs for 26 women and girls. The event costs alone total $1433. Individual costs are $57 per person including lunch on Saturday.

For your conveinience I have set up a paypal link to donate to this specific event. That link is:

https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cmd=_s-xclick&hosted_button_id=7075731


The deadline for sponsorship or donation is August 12, 2009. Our tickets are reserved and confirmed. Any donation, sponsorship amount, and prayers for our success and protection as we embark on this trip will be more than a blessing to us and greatly appreciated.

Through faith comes vision, through vision comes destiny, through GOD comes everything!


Thank you for your consideration of this endeavor!

Your sister in Christ,


Vanessa Yates

What's so hard about being respectful?

I am so annoyed right now. I am sick to death of engaged, married, or otherwise occupied men that think it's ok to say just anything to women other their own. Seeing as some of you have no idea what's ok and what's not ok, I will enlighten you.

It's disrespectful to both myself and your woman for you to refer to me in sexual terms of any kind. It leads a person to believe that you have no couth, no manners, and are definitely beneath both your current or intended mate as well as the person you claim is your "friend". I don't care what your girl allows, I won't tolerate being spoken to like some common net hooker.

Please understand that I have no use for "friends" that don't know how to conduct themselves in mixed company and I truly resent so called "men of GOD" that cruise the net looking for women with a hooker mentality. Especially when those men turn around and want to act ignorant when you ask them nicely to watch how they speak to you.

I hold myself and all I deal with to a higher standard. GOD loves everyone but he doesn't like filth. No matter what you may have thought was gonna happen, I will NOT behave like trash. If that's what you're looking for, please miss me with that mess.



~finis~

It's in HIS ands but my heart needs prayer....

Beloved FATHER,

I know I have been one of your more wilfull children and have not listened to you on more than one occasion. I just have nowhere else to turn and I need you, not just right now but all the time. You made me both practical and fiercely independant but I can't do this without you anymore. I apologize for ever thinking I could handle things on my own in the first place. I know it hurts you when your children suffer because they just won't come to you. I am giving this to you, Father as you have always told us to do.

I have so much that I need to thank you for Father. Though a lot of the time it didn't seem like it but you have blessed me so much! I thank you for all you've already done for us and all the trials we have already made it through. I thank you for healing some of my relationships and for working your hand in others so that they have become stronger.

I am making a request of both you my Father and my lord and savior, JESUS CHRIST, because I need you more than I ever thought possible. I am not praying for a specific miracle, I am asking you to do your will. Please Father, bless me with the grace to accept what you have in store for me. Bless my friends and family with the strength to accept your will, join together, and support each other. I ask for you to touch each and every one of them so that they can come out on the other side better no matter what you have in store for us.

I am so humbled by your love for me, FATHER. By the way you have guided and used me even in my imperfection. I thank you for being who you are and making me who I am. May my image more match yours.


Amen.

I May Be Saved but I Ain't No Saint.

A little over 2 months ago I made the decision to give my life over to GOD. In the process I have learned a lot about myself, my upbringing, and my little corner of the world I live in. I have had a sense of peace and joy that would have been unimaginable for me before I changed. GOD has moved in my life and done so rather quickly. My level of understanding has increased and I am definitley more kind and loving.... but I am not a saint.


Don't get me wrong, I am a true believer.... I know my Savior and I read the word as often as I can. I attend church and bible study. I have purified my mind and body. I have done all I can to aloow GOD to do his will through me. I have been obedient in every area except one. I just haven't made that step into perfection that other saints have made. I haven't learned how to take being disrespected in stride. I don't know how to not let a person know when they have offended me. I am not slow to anger. I am a sinner through and through and my temper is legendary round these parts. I have tried to order my words into soft and gentle redirection but that just never works out for me, my tone always gives me away. Saying something nice while I'm mad enough to chew buildings and spit bricks tends to come across as sarcastic and are very counter productive. Trust me on this.

So rather than be a thorn in all sides, I have started practicing silence. Instead of speaking my mind I have begun to make no reply at all. Of course that usually angers someone that's angling for battle but I can't help that. It have come down to the point of me saying nothing when I can't say anything nice. On quite a few occasions lately I avioded a few minor skirmishes because I just plain didn't take the bait and I felt so much better for it. I wish I could say it was because I took the high road. In actuality the reason I enjoyed that appraoch was because it forced ther other person into submission.... you can't argue by yourself without looking a fool now can you?


*sweet smile*

Now that the Resurrection Sunday is over.....

I have a question for all of you. Now that resurrection Sunday is over what are we gonna do now? Are we gonna go back to living our lives, thankful that CHRIST died but still living for ourselves?


I realized soemthing this morning, not even a whole 24 hours after I came off my fast. I fasted, read, studied, fellowshipped and prayed for two whole weeks and almost immediately went back to cursing once it was over. I was cruising a board that I post to regularly looking for folks that made posts I had been angry with during those two weeks for the sole purpose of cursing them completely out now that I no longer was "required" to watch my language. I planned to put on a serious show and accept a month long ban with a flourish. I was all prepared to act as if that time of meditation and fasting meant nothing to me. I came away with so much joy but I polluted the air with my language and wasn't looking very saved, even to myself. The words that you use matter, I'm a big one for making that statement because it's true. Since I have no problem checking myself so I am doing just that. How can I tell people that GOD has worked his will on me if I allow myself to fall back into old habits so easily?

We all do it. We all ask for deliverance from things and then turn around and embrace the very thing we asked to be delivered from. Don't get me wrong, I have been saved from much worse things than foul language but I also know that I have a long way to go. I enjoy cursing. As wicked as it is I enjoyed most of the awful things I did before I was saved. I always say GOD has to work overtime on me because he has. I always have been one of my FATHER's more difficult to manage children because I had plenty of fun being bad. I know it was wrong but I won't lie and say I was completely miserable being a miserable person. I was happy being a wretch until I realized there was better for me to be

I am ever changing and growing. GOD is moving me in directions that completely boggle my mind as to why he picked me of all people. I am just gonna do what HE says because nothing has a benefit package like HIS.Seeing as I have more work to do, my next request is to ask GOD to help me train myself to use my communication skills in more meaningful and positive ways.

I know HE'll be more than happy to oblige me.

I stand corrected!

People really do read these things. What does that mean to me as a writer to know that someone actually reads and understands my work? That someone actually sees that I have put my heart and soul and spirit in each line? That I am posting snippets of my life in each and every blog entry?


It's the most wonderfully encouraging compliment I have ever received. To know that other people can feel what i am saying and see themselves in my words and experiences humbles me and makes me see how great a gift I have been given. I have been blessed with the ability to write and speak to other people's hearts. I don't take it lightly. I'm on my own journey of self discovery and bringing someone with me would be the ultimate for me.

I thank you for reading adn responding to my blog. It lets me know that I am finally doing something that's well received and appreciated.

No one ever reads these things

I have made another realization, no one ever reads profiles or journals online. Very few, if any, take the time to actually read what people are saying on their blogs, journals, profiles or anything that give you any insight into that person. That's the only way I can explain the amount of notes I get that have the lines "adult fun" or "hookup" in them. Understanding that "hook up" can mean different things I always ask for clarification before I refuse, which pretty much means that I get no other reply from that person. lol


I am a real person and as such I won't lie and say I have never hooked up with a man I met online or in a bar, or at a bike night.... I used to be a bit of a bad girl BUT I realized something very important that has changed my life completely. I am the daughter of TWO kings. Neither my earthly father nor my heavenly Father wants me to demean myself the way I used to. That means I now understand that I wasted a lot of my life searching for something I already had, unconditional love.

When my dad died and as well as other things all happened within the same week left me completely out of my mind. I was lost and confused and bitter and angry and hateful adn just didn't care about anything or anyone other than my kids. I spent 13 years letting my pain lead me into places that I can't even believe I went. I was a perpetual victim listening to every lie, ignoring every warning sign, and facilitated each and every hurt that came into my life.

That was my blindness but just recently I had a serious revelation. I am my problem. Me and my inability to see myself as I truly am. By passively allowing others to demean me I was feeding into all the hurt and pain and anger that I hid behind. Sure I was pretty, dymanic, and never lacked for attention, but I had not honestly felt loved in nearly 14 years.


Now that I've changed, I have run into a few men that are either a part of my past or that want to be a part of my future. I have no problem with either as long as they understand that I am not the Vanessa they may seem to think I am. I won't be doing the things I used to do. I am the daughter of two Kings. They have both picked me up and dusted me off so I can live the rest of my days in abundance and love.


So I say again, if you want to be my friend, get to know me, spend time understanding the woman and wish to see my true beauty..... I am happy to have you as a friend. BUT if all you want is to "hook up" with me, you're just a little late. I wish you no harm but there is just no room in my life for that kind of interaction

What does love and romance mean to you?

This is a vent because now I know why so many are lonely. I think the idea of love has gotten so distorted that people have lost focus on what it really it is.

Romance isn't flowers and candy, it's a thought process that drives you to buy the flowers or candy. It's The caring that makes a woman cook for her man knowing he's hungry. Not because she's his servant but because she's his and he's hers. True romance doesn't change when you have kids because even tho you're tired you can hold each other as you sleep. See people confuse the action with the state of being.

Too many see catering to each other as being weak, whupped, and all things negative. I feel sorry for those people. They are the ones that will never know what real love feels like because they aren't open to it. Love isn't just about what I can get from you, it's also about how I can care for you. How we care for each other. There's no shame in being a kind, loving and considerate partner. People just need to understand that you have to look outside yourself in order to see what's right for the both of you.

When you bathe you don't wash just one hand. Both spend equal time under water. The same thing applies in relationships. If you are going into it thinking about all the things you won't do for love, how can you ever show someone all that they mean to you? If they mean anything at all?

I was blessed enough to witness the last 25 years of a love like that. They had nearly 40 and death is what parted them. They had the bomb love. One that didn't mind when they both gained weight. One that cared for each other when it was needed. One in which my father cried at the thought of losing the one woman that meant everything to him. I want a love filled with joys and pain. Ups and downs. The trials of life. TI was blessed to be nurtured in that environment and that, more than anything else, is why I'm single. I have a certain understanding about life and love because of how I've viewed it. Until I find a man that understands all the things that I do, I'll stay as I am

A Black Woman's Smile..... a must see

To all those that have forgotten that you didn't struggle on your own. Here's a reminder.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPBH57BWhpE





The next time you fix your face to depreciate the struggle of a sister think of this video.

Have a blessed day.

The Wonder Within Us.

Lately I've had the hardest time coming to grips with the murder of my dearest friend. It isn't a quick death. It's been slow and torturous. My dear friend is fighitng the good fight but is finally slipping away. I see him growing weaker and weaker as the days pass and it rips me to my very core.

See I have been watching Kindness die since I was about seven years old. I've seen the slow progrsssion from people speaking and being cordial, to not even acknowledging each other. People then they became apethetic and could care less about another's suffering. Now finally, going out of their way to be rude or nasty. It's been a terrible thing to watch and it is contagious. Meanness has become an acceptable way of life.

There was a time I knew all my neighbors... now I only know the family next door. There was a time when I could at least strike up a decent conversation with strangers... now they either look at you like you're crazy or immediately try to get the panties. There ahve been so much progress in other areas but somewhere along the line the concept of being kind was killed. We see it at work, school, even church. People just don't feel the need to be nice any more.

So what are we supposed to do about it? Do we just shake our heads and hope for the best? Do we browbeat mean people into submission? Do we stop being kind so that we can get in with the "in crowd"? What exactly should we do to curb this terrible spirit of mean ness that ahs taken over so much of our world?

The answer is simple...... be kind.

We need to pay forward random acts of kindness. Find ways to use love and good humor to brighten someone else's day. Not just paying for an expired parking meter, but speaking to the meter reader as you walk past them. Try smiling at a child in the grocery store even if it'sd parent looks at you like a predator. Don't invade anyone's space, just smile and say hello to the parent as well. Take your friends to lunch and tell them what they mean to you. Pay for a stranger's coffee. Just strike up a benign conversation and let the beauty of who you are shine through. These aren't huge things but they can change the world.

The Bigger Picture.

I had a very interesting debate yesterday with a young man that kind of left me wondering if this is why I'm not meeting the men I want to meet.

I have been meeting plenty of ewanna be players, a lot of pseudo pimps and a great number of men that I think may need to seek the assistance of a mental health professional. I meet brothers that don't like to read, don't like to think, and aren't interested in much besides my bra size and how soon they can come and spend the night. I was starting to get a lil discouraged when I saw a reply by a young man to post about how a woman should be treated. It was very eye opening and it seems to be way too common.

This young man made the comment that he doesn't treat any woman "special" til she proves herself worth his time. He's not about to bother treating just any woman well. He saves that for the woman he loves. No man should treat a woman with respect and kindness just because... only if she proves she deserves to be treated well.

He is not alone. From the clowns I meet online and off, I would say he's one of quite a few seemingly grown folks that shouldn't be allowed out without a handler. Even women ahve bought into this by either accepting this behavior from men in order to "earn their love and respect". Or they fall into the category of angry women that treat all men like dogs and have no inkling of how to treat a man, good or otherwise. This is an epidemic and it pretty much is the reason these fools are always complaining that they can't find a good man/woman.

If this is how you think then you are thinking backwards. Love develops because of trust, kindness and respect. If you don't show any of these things, by the time you decide she's worthy, she'll know that you're not. Some men have a truly messed up mental of treating all women the same old crappy way. When they realize that a woman they are treating "like a prostitute" is actually a princess, she already knows he's a just frog and wants no parts. You should treat people well until they prove themselves unworthy, not the other way around. You haven't lost anything by being kind. You lose the opportunity for everything when you act an %#&@$!.You can't take back a bad impression you've left on someone. Even if you think you can, it still takes a lot more time than a person is willing to give if they don't have to.

A lot of people make the ultimate mistake of treating people like they should be grateful that they deigned to show some interest. Not only is that an insult to a person's intelligence and character, it lets you know that, in their opinion, women are merely a piece of tail that you use until you meet the one. The sad thing about that is that you don't always know that a person is the one at first meeting. That is a realization that often comes from time spent. Not something you know soon as you see my butt or breasts. Not something you can see because I'm pretty, either. The fact that he didn't know that proves he is subpar. No man worth his testicles would ever treat a woman like that unless he knows deep down that he isna't about much. He complains about gold diggers and the like but he also knows he has to lead with his wallet, and his attitude, so that he could pull some weak minded woman that's easily impressed. Otherwise he'd get nan female to even speak to him past the first convo....... if he even gets that far.

If you really feel that you have to be in love with a woman BEFORE you treat her correctly,it's no wonder that the women you're interested in don't give you the time of day. It's not about your your lack of money, your physical attributes, looks, job, what have you... it's your arrogance and negative attitude that shines through and turns people off. Whether you know it or not, a woman of any kind of substance can smell that kinna triflin. Your cologne can't cover it up and the mix of scents will make her nauseous.

Don't think I'm on a man bashing kick.... I am not. I just think it's time someone made men understand that "treating em like a prostitute" is the reason they can't find what they are looking for in a woman. No woman worth a grain of salt is gonna stick around while you treat her any old way. By the time you realize who she is you've already lost her. The same can be said about women that pass by good men. The reason I didn't go in depth there is that someone is always telling us how we need to step up our game. I just thought it was time to let you know yours needs a little work as well.

Measure Of A Man

I am going to speak plainly for those of you that can't seem to get it into your heads that every black woman you meet online is not the same.

We are not all whores, we don't all have 9 kids by 12 daddies, we aren't all just baby mommas, we don't all get off by showing our naked bodies to strange men. Some of us know our father and not only love him but respect him. We weren't all raised in the projects and some of us have actually done big things. I get so tired of men thinking they can show me the world or teach me to be a lady. If you want Eliza Doolittle, go find her. I don't need remedial classes.

My daddy was one hell of a man, not much you can show me that he already hasn't. Let me tell you who my father is, because death doesn't defeat a man like that. My father was the smallest kid on the block but had great respect from even bigger kids because of how he carried himself. My father was in the military, served two tours in Korea. He had medals he refused to claim while he was alive and wouldn't allow us to claim when he died. He accepted the flag but always told us "let them keep their lil trinkets, that don't make me a man." He was in the process of retiring from GSA when he passed. How gangsta is that? My dad had seen it all, done it all, and taught us all he could.

My father could build anything, string wire like it was no joke, make a weapon out of a blade of grass. He could cook, clean, sew, and press and curl hair. He preferred to do most things because it was hard for other folks to live up to his standards. My father taught his daughters as well as his sons. Never spoke down to us. Always treated his children with respect, even when he got in our butts. We were given things other kids dream about but the material things are of no consequence. The measure of a man isn't in what he buys me, it's in the man he proves himself to be. My father was a remarkable man. He could have taught a class.

So when a man deigns to think he can approach me like just another net chick. That his turn of phrase and slick way of saying things makes him in some way some great catch. That he can impress me with " I've done this and I am that and I can do this for you". He is truly spinning his wheels. My daddy taught me very well. Well enough to know a bs artist when I see one. The only times I ahve gone wrong in my life is when I didn't take heed to the lessons he taught me growing up. See my father taught me how to be a woman. And he taught me that men as slick as you think you are come thirteen to a dozen.

To all the real men out there that get a bad rap because some wanna be hustler got to a woman first and she thinks that's all there is online. Don't sweat it. Some of us know a real man when we see him. He reminds us of our brothers, uncles and cousins. He gives us hope by reminding us of our father. He makes us so thankful that we waded through the mess that is called dating to find the treasure that is a real man.

Perfect People, Perfect Places, and the world where I reside.

I am just astounded by all the perfect people I meet on and offline. You know the ones. The beautiful, never had a pimple, always dressed and coiffed people. The ones that have never had a bad experience. That have never been hungry. Have never been someplace in their lives where they needed guidance they didn't get (tho I don't know how they made it through college never missing at least one meal).

The men that don't want gold diggers, but have nothing to say except how much they make. The women that aren't %#&@$!s but are ready to sleep with any man that shows interest. The ones that know how to cure all the world's ills but can't quite figure out what conversation is. The ones that always have the answers yet remain as clueless as the rest of us.

I have no idea where these people came from. I'm from the real world. A world where a person who never smoked can die of lung and throat cancer. Where the person with the prettiest spirit may have the least attractive face. A place where a pretty person doesn't always get her/his way. A place where a rich man may be morally poorer than a man that lives on the streets. A place where beautiful, young, talented, gracious, fun loving people die of a terrible disease before reaching their goals. One where the dregs of the earth have someone that loves the just because yet a kind heart and loving spirit may just die alone. A place where people understand that trials aren't always an attack of the enemy, they cn also be your way to heal another soul with an affirmation of a joyful LIFE.

I prefer my world and the people that live in it with me. I don't trust perfect people. A perfect world is a foreign one that I'm unwilling to travel. My joys are sweeter because I've felt pain. I've fallen a few times but I got up only to fall again. But now I stand tall and strong and steady. Loving the life GOD blessed me with. The winters aren't so bad. The sun shines beautifully when it's hot. Yeah. That's where I want to live with him and HIM.


A place where I can enjoy all the blessing I have been granted because I have fully experienced loss. I thank GOD for all his gifts. Including those that didn't feel so wonderful. If you feel this it's because it was written just for you.

The Dream That Would Not Die

It took me a week to write this and months to post it here because I have been so overwhelmed by my emotions. I had a dream election night. I dreamed that I met my uncle Joe. He was my grandmother's brother. I've seen pictures of him in his uniform from WWII. I've seen pics of him marching in parades with his mason hall. I can almost hear his voice because of cousins that I have that my parents told me speak and sing just like him. My uncle Joe never had his own children but all my older brothers and sisters and older cousins that remember him tell me about how wonderful he was. His widow never remarried because she said no man could ever fill his shoes.

My uncle Joe died before I was born. He died delivering dinners for his church. He was shot dead in the middle of the street in broad daylight by a police officer that was angry that he didn't stop when he was told to. Witnesses said that Uncle Joe was singing and had grocery sacks in his hand... they doubt that he even heard the officer. Even if he had, it was doubtful that he would have realized that he was the one being spoken to... the officer wasn't near enough for him to think that he was his target. Witnesses said they never even heard him speak but they were all black so they were ignored.

Uncle Joe was a WWII veteran. He was a hard worker. He was a mason. He was by all accounts a wonderful example of all a man shoud be. He had made his contribution to this country and paid the ultimate sacrifice merely because of the color of his skin.

All of this occured before I was born so I was denied the knee rides and candy the other kids in my family got. I never truly knew enough to feel cheated until last tuesday night. I never truly felt what it meant to be completely free and able to do anything last tuesday night. See last tuesday we held an election just as do, and have done, every four years since the founding of this country. This election was different. For the first time in our history a black man ws elected president of the United States of America. I watched his acceptance speach with tears of joy and disbelief.... yes DISBELIEF that in my lifetime it actually happened.

I then thought about my parents, my grandparents, other assorted relatives, and family friends that did not gt the honor of witnessing this great occassion. Those that died young, old or in between. From natural causes, disease, and finally murder. My thoughts then settled on my uncle Joe. A man I never knew in this life and will only get to met in the next. As Barack Obama finished his speech and brought out his and Joe Biden's families, I was overwhelmed with emotion. As they stood there on the stage I whispered " see that Uncle Joe" as the weight of all the years of living black and female in america came rushing through my spirit. I then felt a sense of peace I had never felt in my life as the joy of the occassion took hold.

Later that night, as I lay asleep in my bed, I dreamed of my Uncle Joe. I dreamed he was standing next to me watching the events of tuesday night unfold. In my dream, as I turned to him and asked " See that Uncle Joe", he turned to me and replied with the most beautiful smile.

" Yes. baby. Indeed I did."