Something We Can Feel

Originally posted to another blog I have, this is exactly how I feel this morning.
I hope you enjoy. Sunday, March 25, 2007
Something We Can Feel
Have you ever had something you really needed to say but had no one you felt comfortable saying it to? I am in that place right now and it's throwing me for a loop. It's not like I don't have people in my life, I have GOD, friends, and family. Men like me well enough so it's not that either. What I just don't have is that one person that gets me no matter what. Someone that understands my language and knows how to let me speak my heart. Someone that lets me into his world and makes sure I'm comfortable with my role in his. I need someone to just be because that's who he is. I get so tired of knights shining up their armor thinking that they will fix my world using the usual methods. This damsel is in a different kind of distress.
My friends and family think I'm crazy because I've walked away from "perfect relationships" to the point that they almost had me thinking I'm just scared to commit. That's not it. Perfect loses it's shine when you realize that it's just not right. I don't want to live in someone else's dream life, I want and need my own. I need more than just good enough and closer than close enough. I need to be able to be the flawed person I truly am. To be able to be who I am completely knowing that, to him, who I am is his perfect fit just like he is mine. Someone that can sleep through my snoring, loves my crazy laugh, doesn't mind when I get nervous or upset and start chattering away. Someone that can tolerate my love for onions and garlic. Who understands that, to me, the occasional veg out has been elevated to an art form. That can bear the worst life has to offer simply because we're facing it together.
All I want is complex simplicity. Something that is so easy that it flows through both of us with the subtlety of an atomic bomb. It's angry, joyful, peaceful and chaotic. Sometimes it's even beligerent and stubborn, others it's gentle and kind. It's always fiercely forgiving. That's what love is to me. It can't be bought, faked, or manipulated. It can only be felt as it consumes everything in it's path. Somewhere there's a man that can take me to that place and be as much to me as I will be to him. I just hope we find each other before we stop being open enough to recognize who we are.