No one ever reads these things

I have made another realization, no one ever reads profiles or journals online. Very few, if any, take the time to actually read what people are saying on their blogs, journals, profiles or anything that give you any insight into that person. That's the only way I can explain the amount of notes I get that have the lines "adult fun" or "hookup" in them. Understanding that "hook up" can mean different things I always ask for clarification before I refuse, which pretty much means that I get no other reply from that person. lol


I am a real person and as such I won't lie and say I have never hooked up with a man I met online or in a bar, or at a bike night.... I used to be a bit of a bad girl BUT I realized something very important that has changed my life completely. I am the daughter of TWO kings. Neither my earthly father nor my heavenly Father wants me to demean myself the way I used to. That means I now understand that I wasted a lot of my life searching for something I already had, unconditional love.

When my dad died and as well as other things all happened within the same week left me completely out of my mind. I was lost and confused and bitter and angry and hateful adn just didn't care about anything or anyone other than my kids. I spent 13 years letting my pain lead me into places that I can't even believe I went. I was a perpetual victim listening to every lie, ignoring every warning sign, and facilitated each and every hurt that came into my life.

That was my blindness but just recently I had a serious revelation. I am my problem. Me and my inability to see myself as I truly am. By passively allowing others to demean me I was feeding into all the hurt and pain and anger that I hid behind. Sure I was pretty, dymanic, and never lacked for attention, but I had not honestly felt loved in nearly 14 years.


Now that I've changed, I have run into a few men that are either a part of my past or that want to be a part of my future. I have no problem with either as long as they understand that I am not the Vanessa they may seem to think I am. I won't be doing the things I used to do. I am the daughter of two Kings. They have both picked me up and dusted me off so I can live the rest of my days in abundance and love.


So I say again, if you want to be my friend, get to know me, spend time understanding the woman and wish to see my true beauty..... I am happy to have you as a friend. BUT if all you want is to "hook up" with me, you're just a little late. I wish you no harm but there is just no room in my life for that kind of interaction